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It's like everything is just falling apart now. I've been at college for about ten months and stuck at it this long and now it's like my last week and I want to just give up. All the work is just piling up and I feel really down and like I just can't be bothered. I do procrastinate but I'm not lazy. I mean I done like five essays in less than two weeks (everything's all weird because of strikes at the college) but then I went in on Thursday and I had gotten everything back to fix and I want to cry. It's not like I didn't expect I would have to change stuff it's just that for some reason I just can't get my head down and actually do it. I just feel sad I think because it's coming to an end and I think I won't come out of it with anything. I mean I've messed up not only the actual course work and might not even pass but also I had a chance to make new friends this year (since I don't have any of the old ones) and I've just blown it. I've spent too much of these months just being stupid and angsty and feeling self conscious instead of actually just concentrating on work and enjoying meeting new people.  I really like everyone in my class but I just think when I'm not at college I probably won't see any of them ever again because I didn't try hard enough to actually fit in with them.
Sorry this is once again me being angsty and whining.
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December 2012

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